The Recovery Movement

The recovery under discussion here is recovery from relationships with Cluster Bs, most often Narcissists. I found it fascinating to discover a whole subculture with their own terminology. People in this movement usually consider themselves victims or survivors who have broken with their abuser and are now healing. It is certainly a place for people to go when they feel hurt.

Some Favorite Terms

  • flying monkeys. These are people who, usually unwittingly, do the dirty work for the malicious narc. They might try to make a victim return to the narcissist by appealing to their sentimental side.
  • fleas. A narcissist is thought to carry fleas which can infest the victim with traits of the narcissist.
  • hoovering. The narc tries to bring someone back to being under his control.
  • triangulation. when a narcissist uses a flying monkey (or several flying monkeys) to assassinate the character of a victim behind their back..
  • love bombing. In early courtship, the narc is really attentive and on his best behavior. Once she is really under his thumb, the love mysteriously disappears.
  • no contact. The ever favorite of this movement. The victim who has escaped the narc’s control sets up a situation in which they don’t hear from the narc or see him on Facebook or have any contact with him at all.
  • triggering. A trauma trigger is an experience that causes someone to recall a previous traumatic memory, although the trigger itself need not be frightening or traumatic. I added this because I have recently learned that some of my comments on other people’s blogs are “triggering.”

The Narc’s Point of View

narcFrom The narcissist in love: “The narcissist seeks the perfect kind of romantic love, idealized and unrealistic- like one sees in movies or reads in a book. Being ‘in love’ (some know it as ‘infatuation’) can feel like a drug, causing a ‘high’ sensation and temporarily blinding people to theirr own faults and imperfections, to the dissatisfactions they may feel in other areas of their lives. It makes people feel as if they are the center of the universe and that their lives are perfect. Nothing feels better … while it lasts. It’s certainly understandable why narcissists have such a strong desire to seek this out- it fulfills most of their narcissistic needs.” But nothing remains perfect and one day the narc wakes up to find himself bonded to an ordinary human being. What a let-down. Victims’ groups see the romantic beginning of the relationship as a Machiavellian “love bombing” to con or seduce his “victim” to give him power over her so when the pretense is dropped, the victim is stuck.

poormeVictimhood? Not All That

I have been offered the mantle of “victim.” To be a victim, you are the person with justice on hir side. Someone else is wicked and you are innocent. After I was “it” in a drugged orgy of sadism, lots of people flocked to my side. They wanted to punish the perp(s). I felt like an ingrate because I realized I was in love with him. The popular support, although well-intended made me feel torn, confused. But today I can say with certainty that I was not a victim then and I’m not a victim now. I reject that persona.


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3 thoughts on “The Recovery Movement

  1. Good post, but I have a small correction– triangulation is actually when a narcissist uses a flying monkey (or several flying monkeys) to assassinate the character of a victim behind their back. My mother used all the members of her extended family as flying monkeys and succeeded in turning all of them against me. Narcissistic mothers do the same with siblings, turning them against each other–it’s about divide and conquer.

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