A grandiose person knows s/he’s superior. That’s not even in question. But grandiosity doesn’t have to limit itself to a state of being. It can be a state of aspiration. What does the word limitless invoke? A scary challenge? What are limits, anyway? Limits are restrictions, cages, walls with which we are surrounded. One reason the psychopath is so thrilling and frightening is the lack of certain limits. We are, as Hare says, Without Conscience. We can do things other people don’t dare to do.
Kevin Dutton was visiting a friend, Mike, a psychopath, in a Secure Unit. Dr. Dutton thought he was better off than Mike because Mike was in prison and Dutton was “free.” “I’ve learned a lot,” he said. “It’s brought it home to me just how different we are. You and me. How differently we’re wired. It’s helped. It really has. And I guess the bottom line is this: that’s why you’re in here and I’m (I point at the window) out there.”
“I shrug, as if to say it’s not my fault. As if, in a parallel universe, things could just as easily have turned out different.
“Suddenly, I’m aware that there’s a chill in the room. It’s physical. Palpable. I can feel it on my skin. Under my skin. All over me.
“This is something I’ve read about in books. But have, up until this moment, never experienced.
“I stand for five agonizing seconds in a stare forty below. Ever so slowly, as if some new kind of gravity has been seeping in unnoticed through the vents, I feel the arm vacate my shoulders.
“‘Don’t let your brain piss you about, Kev. All those exams — sometimes they get in the way. There’s only one difference between you and me. Honesty. Bottle. I want it, I go for it. You want it, you don’t.
“‘You’re scared, Kev. Scared. You’re scared of everything. I can see it in your eyes. Scared of the consequences. Scared of getting caught. Scared of what they’ll think. You’re scared of what they’ll do to you when they come knocking at your door. You’re scared of me.
“‘I mean, look at you. You’re right. You’re out there, I’m in here. But who’s free, Kev? I mean, really free? You or me? Think about that tonight. Where are the real bars, Kev? Out there’ — he points at the window — ‘or in here?’ (He reaches forward and, ever so lightly, touches my left temple.)”
Sure. The greatest limitation to freedom is in our own head. But an actual prison can provide a pretty good cage as well. Cages imprison us but they also protect. After spending only one night in jail, I felt at odds when I got out. Nobody leading me anywhere. A cage can be a home. Challenging ourselves to break out of the familiar, safe environment of what we consider “possible,” is a true act of grandiosity.
The movie, Limitless, is the story of a man who discovers a way to become a far superior version of himself. A drug called MTZ 48 turns him into a genius by enabling access to his entire brain. Possibilities open up to him he hadn’t ever dreamed of. As intoxicating as the idea can be, it can also be scary. To be so much better also means we will demand so much more of ourselves.
Shortly before I saw the movie, I heard about a drug called Provigil (or Modafinil). In public consciousness, Provigil is linked with the wonder drug featured in Limitless. The fictitious miracle pill causes the hero to become like a superman. Such extravagant claims are not made for Provigil but what is claimed is quite enough to make anyone who is too comfortable in hir cage, want to break out of prison. By the time this blog is published, I will have tried it and will be able to sort out how much Limitless is fiction and how much truth.
People warn that they don’t know what the long-term effects of Provigil are. Do I even care? It’s like in the movie, Bladerunner, “replicants,” androids manufactured to be “more human than human” are like people except they have superior intelligence and endurance. But they are deliberately manufactured to only “live” for four years. Naturally, these replicants, created to be slaves of man and to only live four years rebel against such injustice. One of them confronts the manufacturer who says, consolingly, a candle that burns the brightest, burns out the soonest. Better to burn bright than have a long a mediocre life.
I totally concur with these values. I feel like I’m on a high cliff with the ocean in front of me. I am ready to dive into what might just be the most exciting experience of my life. Even if the pill doesn’t live up to all that hype, just the act of daring and opening myself up to possibilities is everything.
In the Harry Potter world, there is a potion called Felix Felicis. Harry takes it and “slowly but surely, an exhilarating sense of infinite opportunity stole through him; he felt as though he could have done anything, anything at all . . . and getting the memory from Slughorn seemed suddenly not only possible, but positively easy. . .”
Tonight, I watched The Song of Bernadette. Although not a believer, myself, I was touched by the child-like eagerness of the people to believe in miracles. And I realized the similarity between miracles of those days and miracles in today’s time. We are less inclined to believe in the waters of Lourdes and more inclined to believe in a miraculous pill such as MTZ 48 or Provigil. I think most of us are hungry for something extraordinary that will release us from the every day limitations. To enable us to become limitless.
I now have Provigil in my system. I don’t feel the urge to crack Wall Street. I hadn’t thought I would want to do that before I tried it. I wanted my focus. I am not disappointed. First thing I noticed was calmness. I approached problems rationally and effectively. When I went out among people, I found communicating with them more interesting while I had preferred to ignore them until now. I came back and re-wrote most of this blog. I read a book without dozing off (a problem I had been having). It’s evening. I’m still all there.
Provigil is not MTZ 48. Nor is it Felix Felicis. You can have a very good day with it but nothing enables you to always be “lucky” in getting what you wish. People on Provigil can be much more productive, creative and together than they would be without it. It isn’t massively thrilling. It’s not like diving off a cliff. But it’s a way to become a better version of oneself.
Provigil has been touted as the solution to the 24/7 society. The 24/7 society. We all know what that means. The fact that people are expected to work unlimited amounts of overtime. It used to be the big executives. Now even the clerical staff are expected to be at the boss’ disposal 24/7. They are given cell phones and notebooks so they can always be reached. Leisure is no longer a right. In a way, it’s exciting to be jacked in, unlimited, on the fast lane. But I don’t want to do this to make someone else rich. I want to move fast and effectively for my own purposes. So many tools that had potential for self-enhancement have become corporation-enhancing instead. Once the everyday use of Provigil becomes accepted, will there be even more pressure to always be on the job? Does society exist for us or do we exist for society?
ADDENDUM: I doubled my dose. This is a wonderful drug. Two 200 mg pills do the job. Another product I just discovered is Bulletproof Coffee with Brain Octane Oil. With or without Provigil, this combination provides calm energy and focus.
- Natural Stacks. Nootropics
- Transhuman Prometheism: Transhumans United for PrometheismTranshuman Prometheism: Transhumans United for Prometheism, the 21st Century Post Human Cult