Sex and the Psychopath

sexsellsWe have the reputation already. Is it deserved? Of course, our whole society is pretty sex-obsessed. Just turn on the media. Most of the people you see are attractive. Women can reveal a lot more than they used to and we consumers are now free to follow suit in our fashion choices. That pleases me as I’ve never liked the Puritanical mind-set.
Psychopaths are criticized for being emotionally detached during sex. As if sex should always be about sharing one’s soul with another. If can be of course. And there is intimacy in every sex act but it’s very nature. But sex can be many things. It can just be fun.

mixedmessageOur society is rather schizo about sex. On the one hand, the prim and proper rules of propriety and “misconduct” can still harm a political career if violated. But, at the same time, most folks are titillated and fascinated. This kind of mixed message probably makes sex even more alluring. According to society, sex was something men wanted and women withheld. If we “gave” it, we were supposed to get something worthwhile, a good meal, presents, even, or, the jackpot: a proposal. Of course, this is really the dynamic of prostitution. Nevertheless, prostitutes were held in the lowest esteem. Was it because it exposed the truth about sexual relations between men and women or was it because prostitutes “gave it up” too cheaply? They traded their power for a few venal rewards and gave up their exalted role as Madonnas, mothers of their sons.


whatI had sexual fantasies years before I even knew what they were. I only knew some thoughts felt really pleasurable and a strange substance would appear in my vagina. I still didn’t know it was about sex. Amazing! I didn’t even masturbate. When I first started actually dating, I was dismayed to find myself unmoved, even disgusted by necking experiences I had with a boy who should have turned me on, according to my ignorant belief system. He kissed with his mouth open, didn’t he? What was the matter with me? I spent two important years (between the ages of 13 and 15) in the nut house. That enabled me to speak with other women who were older and more experienced. I took it all in but still remained naive until I had my own experiences.

cruisingI decided virginity was something one was best free of, the earlier the better. So, before the 16th birthday, I went to the Village looking for someone to deflower me. Not only would that initiate me into carnal knowledge, but it would also allow me to meet beatniks. I did it but it wasn’t all I had hoped for. Since I was young and nubile, I had lots of offers from men. I experimented with little success. Was this all there was?

submissionEverything changed at the age of 17 when I stumbled upon a sexual sadist and found out I was a masochist. Now I understood all those feelings and was able to satisfy them. I saw the sadist off and on over the next few years. I didn’t really trust him or feel safe with him which was probably part of the attraction. I’m pretty sure he was a psychopath. I liked the emotional detachment he had during the sex act. Freedom from “all that emotional chow-chow,” as Samantha called it in Sex and the City, set me free.

Apart from him, I sought partners using the sex ads that existed in certain publications which I discovered reading the box, The Velvet Underground, a “disapproving,” expose type book. For security, I did it with a girlfriend. My true liberation didn’t come until a like-minded man and I started an actual above-ground society for sadomasochists. I found a “Master” and indulged in parties where kinkiness was the order of the day.


When that relationship ended, I expanded my repertoire to include women and dominance. I didn’t know my sexuality had anything in common with psychopathy until I found and talked to others of my kind. So many psychopaths had a freedom and variable sexual capacity that matched my own.

victoriaWhen we are discussed by others, a lot of my own hard-won was confirmed. The tone of most discussions by third parties is pretty disapproving. According to them, we are heart-breakers due to our promiscuity and lack of emotional commitment. Most of this writing shows concern no for the psychopath but for our “victims.” When our relationships go south, it’s our fault, apparently.  The articles confirm that we are usually great lovers and have something that makes others want to hold on to us.

We don’t have lovers, it seems, or even partners. Only victims. We don’t like sex so much. We like power. It doesn’t seem to ever occur to the author, Seth Meyers , Psy.D., that we might actually find our sex partners interesting. After all, we 728px-Identify-a-Psychopath-Step-10battle boredom all the time and getting to know another human being is an experience. Although we are notorious for changing partners often (nothing more to learn?), some of us have long-term relationships and even marriages.

Decision Making Confidence judges us even more harshly. Referring to Cleckley, the article states that for us “there are none of the ’emotional concomitants and the complex potentialities that make adult love relations an experience so thrilling and indescribable.'” Wah!

728px-Identify-a-Psychopath-Step-9Another article promise to list five reasons why we’re so go in bed. They are.

  1. We are master seducers
  2. We require high levels of stimulation
  3. We are shameless
  4. We want to get the dirt on you
  5. We want to turn it on so we can eventually turn it off

It isn’t so surprising that this article comes from a website called Psychopathy Awareness which is one of the many anti-psychopath sites the web is so rich in.

guiltyWhen I read in Thomas Sheridan’s book, Puzzling People, that psychopaths have a higher level of testosterone than others, I took it with a grain of salt as I do other statements that aren’t otherwise confirmed by more reliable sources. However, I have found corroboration of this interesting fact. Both men and women are blessed with this hormone which is known for enhancing sexuality. Of course, Love.Fraud would have to make this sound like a negative. “Testosterone is a hormone associated with aggression, motivation and drive, especially sex drive. Men have more testosterone than women, and young men have twice the level of testosterone as older men. Testosterone is elevated in all psychopaths, both male and female.” It is the opposite of Oxytocin, the neurotransmitter of love. Our unfortunate victims are full of Oxytocin making them love us while we don’t love them.

This reminds me of a famous quote someone said. “If there were no devil, mankind would have invented one.”


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