People Who Died

kathyI met her in the nut house. At first, she was friends with another girl who didn’t like me and they made my life hell. But then the other girl left and I became best friends with K. Our friendship continued after we were both out of the place but it tapered off after years.

She was the first person to tell me I was a psychopath. She knew some woman who was some kind of expert. She described me to the woman and the woman told her I was a psychopath. The funny thing was that as soon as she told me, I just knew it was true although I had never thought of it before.

motherAfter years of now contacting each other, I felt nostalgic and called her. I had just found out that I could legally get my records from the institution. At one time, she would have been really curious about such information and would have been delighted to know one could get ahold of it. But this time, she was not interested. She was all upset because her mother was dying. I reminded her of when she told me I was a psychopath. “I’m not impressed with them,” she now told me. Hello? When did I try to impress her? I found her response chilling so I decided to write her off. We ended the conversation and hung up.

meanddadQuite a while later, I had another fit of nostalgia so I wrote her a letter. The letter came back undeliverable since the addressee was deceased.  I had experienced death of people who were “close” to be before. Both my parents, for example. It didn’t really affect me much. The death of my mother more because it meant my sister and I had to do all the housework. My father’s death was a relief.  He was already in a nursing home. My sister took care of the funeral and burial.

The death of this woman who hadn’t really been my friend for years was different because I miss her from time to time. Sometimes I think of something I want to tell her and then I remember she’s dead. It’s like a part of my life which I experienced with her can no longer be 410accessed in the same way.

I never cried for any of the people who died although I have cried for dead pets. I’m over all these deaths.

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