You Poisoned All Your Children

to camouflage your scars

P-munchausen-enHD-AR1Munchausens by Proxy is one of the creepiest things found in the annuls of psychiatry. I thought it must be listed in the DSM-5 but it seems not. It is a “syndrome” rather than a personality disorder. Wikipedia defines “syndrome” as “a set of medical signs and symptoms that are munchausencartooncorrelated with each other. The word derives from the Greek σύνδρομον, meaning ‘concurrence’.” Yet, it is also called MBP which looks like a DSM abbreviation. So, since it’s not a “disorder” by a specific “syndrome” of behavior, I guess it’s just something that certain “disordered” people do. 

My guess is that narcissists and/or people with histrionic personality disorder might be drawn this syndrome. The narc could get plenty of supply and the histrionic could certainly be the center of drama. To deliberately inflict an actual illness on a child would seem to require a profound lack of conscience unless the person is seriously delusional in which case, s/he might by schizotypal or something along those lines.

marilynmansonThe title of this blogpost is a quote from Marilyn Manson’s song The Man that You Fear, the Antichrist Superstar album. Two images came to me from this song. One is my own mother. She never made me physically sick like the MBP people do. But the lines, “…to camouflage your scars” and “Peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark.” The other image is of a Grade B movie of a monster terrifying a helpless old woman.

You can kill yourself now
Because you’re dead
In my mind
The boy that you loved is the monster you fear

dreamMarilyn Manson has said that his songs come from his dreams. His video makes the meaning of this song seem very different from my interpretation. But my interpretation remains compellingly true for me. And it (the interpretation) begins with a dream.

When I was a child, I dreamed I suddenly turned into a monster. I towered over my parents and knew they “knew” I was evil so I had to destroy them or they would destroy me now that they saw that I was a monster. The Man That You Fear reminds me of my dream. The child, grown big and powerful, terrorizes his feeble, old mom. I can just see her scurrying into dark corners of her home as this hulking shadow of a man walks slowly and ponderously through the house. What an image! Apparently, the narrator of the song hates his mother bitterly. He has waited until he grew strong and powerful enough to turn the tables on her. Manson has said in abusedan interview that he abused his mother at one time:

“My father had a very violent temper, and he was never home,” Manson remembers. “So I was kind of a mama’s boy. But I had a weird relationship with my mom as a kid because it was kind of abusive – but on my part. I wish I could go back and change the way I treated my mom because I used to be really rude to her, and she didn’t really have any kind of control over me.” Rolling Stone, 1/23/97

So we know there is an autobiographical element in the song. Consider the line, “sticking bonyribsto my pointy ribs are all your infants in abortion cribs.”

In the same interview, Manson said, “Another thing that happened was, I found a coffee can across the street from my house in Ohio, at a butcher’s, and there were all these flies around it.  I opened it up, and it had an aborted fetus in it. My parents told me it was just raw meat.

I’ve been fascinated with abortion.  And maybe it goes as far back as that coffee can.  But actually I’ve had to go through that experience, you know, with a girl.  And it was real bad, too, because it was like four months into her being pregnant, and they had to do some real intense things where they induce labor.  Very terrifying stuff.  Actually, no one even knows about it.

taintedWhat a wealth of meaning comes through that one line, alone! When I hear that line, I can sense the shame Manson must have felt; shame for his mother. She is not a “natural mother.” She destroys her young. She “poisoned all (her) infants to camouflage (her) scars.” Rejecting and feeling ashamed of one’s own mother is, itself, poison. It eats into the soul, causes one to feel hopelessly tainted and flawed. Unlike Trent who can say right out lines like “my whole existence is flawed” and “the tainted touch of my caress,” the shame projected in this Manson song goes too deep for direct utterance. At the point of the song, Manson, or the person within himself he is dramatizing, is overpowered by his shame.

The movie The Sixth Sense is about a kid who can see and talk to ghosts. One of the ghosts he encounters is a little girl who was poisoned by her mother. She tells the kid where a video tape is stashed which shows the mother in the very act.

Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP) is a mental health problem in which a caregiver makes up or causes an illness or injury in a person under his or her care, such as a child, an elderly adult, or a person who has a disability. Because vulnerable people are the victims, MSBP is a form of child abuse or elder abuse.Web M.D.

Factitious disorder Tests and diagnosis – Mayo Clinic

docTo help determine if someone has factitious disorder, mental health providers conduct a detailed interview and run tests for possible physical problems.

To be diagnosed with factitious disorder, a person must meet the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association. The DSM criteria for factitious disorder (previously, when severe, called Munchausen syndrome) include:

  • Making up physical or psychological signs or symptoms or causing injury or disease with the deliberate intention to deceive
  • Pretending to be sick or injured or to be having problems functioning
  • Continuing with the deception, even without receiving any visible benefit or reward
  • Behavior is not better explained by another mental disorder, such as a delusional disorder or another psychotic disorder

The DSM criteria for factitious disorder imposed on another (previously called Munchausen syndrome by proxy) include:

  • Making up physical or psychological signs or symptoms or causing injury or disease in another person with the intention to deceive
  • Presenting another person to others as sick, injured or having problems functioning
  • Continuing with the deception, even without receiving any visible benefit or reward
  • Behavior is not better explained by another mental disorder

Mommy Dead and Dearest

HBO has just released a documentary film about a case of Munchhausen’s by Proxy which is not only real but unusually extreme. To indulge her sick fantasies, this mother, Dee Dee Blanchard subjected her daughter to a childhood of hell. She forced a normal child to play the role of a tragic victim of leukemia, muscular dystrophy, epilepsy, gypsysteethimpaired vision and retardation. Dee Dee conned doctors into surgically removing salivary tissue and putting a feeding tube down her throat. She had to drag around an oxygen tank. Her teeth were hideous, sticking out and dominating her mouth. Her head was shaved (to make people think she was on chemo). The pictures taken during the charade would be disgusting on their own face value. Being what it was upgrades “disgusting” to “revolting.” Gypsy was forced to stay in a wheelchair and wear horrible glasses and wear a hideous grin (not at all the way she really was). The mother is fat and grotesque. The more ungainly, the saintlier. They have been featured in special human interest shorts.

gypsyrosejail1Gypsy Rose is in prison now. For what she suffered from that woman, she had a right to kill her. I know nobody will agree with me, well, maybe some people. I hope I don’t get a lecture on due process and “nobody has the right to take the law into their own hands.” I just don’t want to hear it. In her interviews, Gypsy shows herself to be an intelligent and articulate young lady and makes the gap between her fake persona and reality all the more glaring.

Dee Dee, legal name was “Claudine Pitre Blanchard,” was very willful and got everything she wanted as a child. If she didn’t get her way she made her father and stepmother pay. One time, according to her stepmother, she poisoned her with Round Up after which she was bedridden for nine months. Dee Dee deedeemomopened up credit cards in the names of her family members and wrote bad checks. She was also on America’s Most Wanted. If she ever showed up in the Bayou, she would have been arrested. Her mother, Emma Pitre, was into petty theft, shoplifting and even stealing peoples’ cloths from the laundromat. Dee Dee’s family suspects she killed her mother by starving her. Dee Dee’s father and step mother completely reject her now. They didn’t even want her ashes.

queendeedeeWhat is Dee Dee? Her apparent lack of conscience pegs her as a psychopath. But her desire to appear saintly in the eyes of the public suggest narcissism. It would have to be the most malignant kind, of course. Gypsy was afraid of her and didn’t dare go off script while she was in the public eye where Dee Dee often put her. She was Dee Dee’s little performing slave. One time, she said the “wrong thing” and Dee Dee took a hammer and smashed Gypsy’s computer and phone. She told Gypsy that if she ever did it again, she would do that to her hands.

princessvictimI guess she got a new computer because she managed to make an online friend while Dee Dee was asleep. This guy was very strange. He thinks he has multiple personalities and he asked Gypsy to invent personalities to go with each of his. So she had a little girl persona, a slut persona, an evil persona. Sure the relationship was strange but coming from the abuse she grew up with, I find it amazing that it was as healthy as it was and as creative. Gypsy plans to finish school in prison. She only finished second grade while in her mother’s power.



sandyevilI am Julie Gregory’s Mother, Sandy Gregory-Parocai. Julie wrote the book: “Sickened,Memoir of a Munchausen by Proxy Childhood”. Totally unknown to me and without my permission the book used my actual name and pictures.Written as a true story the book has shattered our home and the well being of our two adopted children,Misty and Doug.To promote her book Julie flew from Ohio to Montana in 2003. She made a “Referall” to Childrens Services that she had been abused all her life by me and I was doing the same thing to our adopted children. Julie also presented herself as a graduate student of Psychiatry from Sheffield University, England. There is no Masters Degree for Julie there, nor did she graduate. Convinced that the children were in grave danger our children were immeadately taken from our home. Not only were Ed and I in shock but it terrified our children to be abruptly taken from the home that they had been in for 7 years. Both children were crying and terrified. Misty was 13 years old at the time and Doug was only 7 years old. I was put under a 90 day investagation and Ed and I only had “Supervised” visits with our children. Then there was the National T.V. Program and a write-up in a nationally known magazine makeing me out as a horrible child-abuser,a mentally ill person and a mother that had continually tried to take her own life. Capitalazing on the fact our children were taken from our home ,this was used as a GIANT COMMERICAL to promote Julie’s book. Meanwhile, Ed was hospitalized 6 days from the stress! The truth is that Julie was never abused to begin with. I have the court records showing she tried to accuse me of child abuse in 1986 to get out of being found guilty in a court of law for an offence that she committed. I was investaged then and found not guilty but Julie was charged as being an UNRULY child and sentenced accordingly. I have never been arrested for anything in my life,EVER!! I have never had a mental illiness or tried to kill myself,EVER!!The 90 day investagation by Childrens Services in 2003 here in Montana proved I was not guilty of Julie’s alligations. Our adopted children have THRIVED HERE since thier placement in 1997.I was not charged with evilsandyanything in a court of law and our children were returned to Ed and I. But,2 years after the book was written, Julie is still trying to get our children removed from our home. This is terriozing our children as Julie is petioning Oprah Winfrey to use her “CLOUT” to remove our children. Misty and Doug are in counciling to try and help them cope with this. Julie petioned the Attorney General of our state and the Governor here too besides her web-site petition.No One has removed our children because, COULD IT BE THAT THERE IS NO ABUSE GOING ON HERE?? I will be happy to provide records to our innocence as well as recent pictures of our adopted kids if interested. Does anyone have any suggestions for us? I can prove that 90% of Julie’s book is untrue.

Reading Julie Gregory’s story, Sickened, was an eye-opener even for me who has considered herself shock-proof. It’s not that the acts, themselves, were that extreme in the spectrum of MBP. It’s the hypocrisy and deceptiveness that turned my stomach. As a psychopath, I found myself startled by how upset I felt reading about someone else’s travails. I have found it mystifying that many convicted felons are so judgemental of pedophiles. But I guess I’m a bit closer to understanding them now. But I think MBP is 100 times worse than pedophilia. At least pedophilia is motivated by the honest desire for intimacy and sexual satisfaction. (Not that I’m condoning molestation.) But THIS.

Reading Julie’s story and witnessing in my reading, the behavior of her mother, I see in my mind’s eye, the image of a little girl playing doctor with her dolls. Girls play many things with their dolls. One of these is the game that the doll is sick. I can see MBP as a grown woman playing this game with a real child.

Am I a Victim?

I’m reasonably sure my mother never perpetrated the crime against me known as “Munchhausen by Proxy.” I never was sick except for normal childhood ailments. My mother always gave me the normal treatments for childhood ailments and I got well as soon as other kids.

The only “illness” I “suffered” as a kid were the psychiatric kind. As a toddler, I was taken to a nursery school for “sick” toddlers. My “symptoms” consisted of blinking my eyes and some mouth twitches which started after my sister was born. Seemed like normal jealousy of a first-born for the second-born sibling. The nursery school seemed to be full of  ruffians. The staff seemed to have more compassion and concern for the bullies than their victims. I remember a fat bully named Johnny. After he attacked me, the staff cooed, “He’s having a rough day.” What about me? I was glad to stop going there. Years later, I got ahold of papers from the “school.” According to them, I was a paranoid schizophrenic. Pretty good at 3-years-old.

Throughout my childhood, I had a kind of disgust for my parents. They struck me as “weak.” I didn’t want to  believe I actually came from them. I have read about schizophrenia and it didn’t seem to match my experiences at all. I was all-too-reality-bound. It might have been nice to see everything as a flat picture or have hallucinations. But these things never happened. What I did have, which could have looked schizoid, was an active, nay, an obsessive fantasy life. When I wasn’t satisfied with actual circumstances, I withdrew to my daydreams. But I never mistook fantasy for reality. I was painfully aware of the difference.

Yet, I have felt a strong identification with the words of Marilyn Manson’s song, The Man that You Fear.

The ants are in the sugar
The muscles atrophied
We’re on the other side, the screen is us and we’re t.v.
Spread me open,
Sticking to my pointy ribs
Are all your infants in abortion cribs
I was born into this
Everything turns to shit
The boy that you loved is the man that you fear
Pray until your number,
Asleep from all your pain,
Your apple has been rotting
Tomorrow’s turned up dead
I have it all and I have no choice but to
I’ll make everyone pay and you will see
You can kill yourself now
Because you’re dead
In my mind
The boy that you loved is the monster you fear
Peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,
You’ve poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars
Pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
Pray your life was just a dream
The cut that never heals
Pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
(I am so tangled in my sins that I cannot escape)
Pinch the head off, collapse me like a weed
Someone had to go this far
I was born into this
Everything turns to shit
The boy that you loved is the man that you fear
Peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,
You’ve poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars
Pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
Pray your life was just a dream
The cut that never heals
Pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
The world in my hands, there’s no one left to hear you scream
There’s no one left for you

When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed

The most salient feature of this song strikes me as self-loathing related to loathing for my parents. All the weaknesses I grokked in my parents haunted me and threatened my own self-image. “You’ve poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars.” My mother never fed me poison but perhaps she did this psychically. See was defective so, perhaps, I must be too. I wasn’t dragged to numerous doctors for fake illnesses induced by my mom. But what was this nursery school for mentally ill toddlers? Years later, I was in a nuthouse following a suicide attempt. The social worker who worked with my mother said, “mother uses this intellectual facade as a defense against her feelings of inadequacy…. Though she verbalizes no hostility, she has expressed this in her outbursts with patient. At this time, she has outwardly suppressed this hostility in her over-concern for patient’s safety and her nee dto give in minute detail background information.”

7 thoughts on “You Poisoned All Your Children

  1. I lived with this guy who was giving me testosterone to make me ugly. I kept wondering why I would look different in pictures, not at all like myself. He was having an incestuous relationship with his daughter and wanted her to be the pretty one, when I was really the pretty one.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. To. be called a mentally ill child abuser by Julie Gregory’s book and published on the internet is grounds for a law suit, In Montana the two year stature of limatations is wavered if slander is posted on the internet. I have never been arested for anything in my life and never had a mental illiness or suicide attempt. Show me the proof of all these alligations. Ask Julie to prove it. Read my investagator’s report that 90% of this book was made up. I have two doctors reports that I am not a Munchausen by Proxy Mother. When Montana Childrens Services did thier 90 day investagation on me my adopted kids medical records were 2003. They had been in my home for almost 6 years with no abuse or injuries from abuse. The records showed the children thrived here. They were returned to me and I have raised them into adulthood. From 2003 on Childrens Services never bothered to knock on my door again. Doug was only 7 yrs old at the time when this happened and he is 22 yrs old now and Misty is 28. Do you want to see thier medical records? Show me where I have ever been charged with child abuse.Have Julie show you my records showing I am this person. Feel free to contact me anytime.


  3. To show a picture of a person that is in a mug shot on my letter to defend myself, as posted here, when IT IS NOT ME shows someone is desperate for more money from this book that is 90% false. I am talking to my attorney on Monday as I have copied this off .


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