What is it like to be rejected by one’s parents? Thankfully, I didn’t know it at the time. I only found out when I received records from my past, the two years I spend in the nuthouse from ages 13 through 15. My parents told a social worker what they never told me.
Mother discusses patient with little show of emotion and her warmth in describing younger sister reveals much that is not verbally expressed in her resentment towards the patient. Mother’s tensions toward patient have been more fully expressed since the latter’s hospitalization. She has shown increasing hostility toward patient’s visits home on week-ends, and once remarked to assigned social worker that her reputation had been ruined by the patient, and she could no longer accept her back in the household. By February, 1958, the mother had arranged to move into a more expensive apartment with fewer rooms, with the idea that the patient would not be allowed to return home. She also stated tearfully, “I no longer consider Frances my daughter.”
Well, I can’t blame her entirely for that reaction. I did some heavy stuff that would have upset a saint. But the pervasive aura of rejection that showed up in my parents’ ongoing interviews makes me aware of how deeply they rejected me. I’m glad they were such good actors so I was spared the knowledge of how they really felt about me until, as an adult, I can handle it.
Today, I came upon another mother’s statement of rejection of her psychopathic daughter on Quora. I quote it in its entirety.
What is like to have a psychopathic child?
Helen Forrester, Mother of a psychopath
Answered Jul 2
I googled ‘i don’t love my child’ and all that came up was stories of misbehaving toddlers and experts assuming that this is a temporary thing. I eventually came across this and although it is out of date, I felt the need to answer.
On the rare occasions that I have admitted to someone that I don’t like my daughter, the response has been that there are always times that we don’t like our children but we always love them. No! I don’t like her, I don’t love her. I wish she would go away and never contact or occcupy space in my mind ever again. She’s not a child anymore. She’s 39. I remember the day that I first knew that I was repulsed by her. She was 15. I won’t go into details nor can I tell the whole 39 year story here but she is a cluster b psychopath. It’s unlikely that she will ever harm anyone physically. Her problems are, delusions of grandeur, narcissistic personality disorder, munchausens, attention seeking, lying and many other related problems. She reads books like ‘A child called it’ then applies the stories to her own life and believes them. She is pregnant with her 6th child. 2 are grown up, 2 were forcibly adopted. Im sure as she continues the same destructive behaviour that her one year old and her unborn child will also be taken eventually. 4 different fathers. The last 2 were homeless junkies that she took home to ‘save’. Then she destroys them. She adopts the personalities of people she meets to reel them in. Anyway the point is you asked if they manipulate and yes they do. They are very clever and guilt makes you give them the benefit of the doubt even though you know that whatever you do for them, they will piss all over.
It’s like having a great big brain tumour. It’s incurable but it’s never going to kill you. It just sits there eating at your brain bit by bit. You can’t cut it out and sometimes you feel you could smash your own head in just to make it stop. You can’t even tell people about it because only a monster would say they don’t love a child.
Yesterday, I found another statement by a mother about her ASPD child. This one has an ironic twist in that it is the psychopath who went “no contact” on the NT mom. But the rejection is the same. This is from Facebook, name repressed for the sake of privacy.
Hi. I’m the mother of an ASPD grown son (35). He has done and said terrible things to me throughout the years. He is extremely spiteful and vindictive. For the life of me I don’t know of any trauma he suffered as a child. He had every opportunity before him and always cut his nose off to spite his face instead of take advantage of them. Fast forward 20 yrs. still same old behaviors but now has a wife and two toddlers. Has been using opiates for yrs (I think they calm his ever present underlying rage). However discovered he was using Heroin and doing unsafe things like driving kids in car under influence. Refused to go to treatment Wife has prescription opiate prob too. She refused treatment as well. All of this forced me to call Child Protective services on grandchildrens behalf. Now ASPD son will not allow me to see kids out of vengeance, it’s been 3 long months. He has tried to be no contact. I’ve emailed and sent letters to no avail. Need advice on how to get through to him to let me see kids. I love and miss them so much. Of course he thrives on emotional pain he causes me. Please help?
I have always known that psychopaths are demonized. Sure, we are glamorized too. But we seem to be permanently stuck with the “bad guy” badge.