All posts by nowve666

I'm free in my mind. I've done whatever I wanted to do in my life. Now I'm 72. Well, all good things come to an end. The way the world is getting, it's just as well. Freedom means being able to embrace whatever ideas one has regardless of taboos. It also means total self-acceptance.

Top of the Food Chain

The film, The Psychopath Next Door, has an amusing sequence in which the psychopath is likened to a cat eating a mouse. To make it more amusing, the cat and mouse are working in a corporation. The cat, clearly, is the boss and the mouse, a terrified employee.

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The cat’s lack of empathy as he toys with the mouse is stressed.

imamouse

That’s rather silly. A mouse knows damn well what the cat wants to do to him. He doesn’t try to implant his own values on the cat. He expects and gets no mercy.

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Again, the words are Robert Hare’s. These words are more realistic than the ones imputed to the mouse. Cats don’t care what their prey is going through. Note the show of naked power as the cat holds the mouse’s tail down.

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Cats love to play with their food, hence the expression, playing “cat and mouse.”

eaten

The delicious conclusion.

hare_psychopathnextdoor

Robert Hare has illustrated something I’ve always said, myself. Cats are psychopaths, not just because they hunt live prey. Compare them with dogs. Dogs are always looking like they feel guilty. You can’t shame a cat. Just try it. Cats are beautiful, independent and graceful. Mark Twain said that those who love freedom love cats.

Are psychopaths top of the food chain? We take care of ourselves. But, as cats don’t always hunt, we are not always seeking prey. A cat who is fed regularly doesn’t bother hunting mice. But I wouldn’t try having a cat and mouse living together in one house.

Grandiosity Without a “Self?”

selfish or spiritual?

jungianshadowSpirituality isn’t always about sweetness and light. Jung was one of the first to recognize how important embracing one’s dark shadow could be for real spiritual progress. Even standard spirituality can be selfish with it’s focus on the individual reaching enlightenment (except for Bodhisattvas) or salvation. Psychopathy is considered selfishness par excellence whether spiritual or not. Ironically,  we selfish people are noted to not have a strong sense of identity which makes it easier for us to assume whatever identity we need for a particular situation at the moment. I remember having a very vague sense of who I was as a teenager. I looked in the mirror and saw a face that seemed just kind of generic. M.E. Thomas probably named it best as an elastic sense of self.

beautyI got into Eastern mysticism fairly early in life, starting with Alan Watts but moving on to Baba Ram Das and acid. I experienced a mystical awakening where I realized we are all One. (Of course, the nature of mysticism is that is gives one a “truth” that is very private. The experience strikes one as convincing on a mega noitogetenlevel but not something easily transmitted to another person. Therefore, I’m only naming this as my experience, not insisting anyone else adopt is as “true.”) Buddhists deny the existence of a soul and Judeo-Christians tout the virtue of selflessness. Almost everyone considers the ego as the antithesis of spirituality. During my love affair with acid, I saw the “ego” during trips as a person trying to guard a very small territory while we really had it all, but for attachment to the ego.

stpaulWhile most people consider psychopaths lowlives, Kevin Dutton wrote The Wisdom of Psychopaths, subtitled What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers Can Teach us About Success. In this book, he names Saint Paul, “The Patron Saint of Psychopaths.”

To the Jews, I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people. (1 Corinthians 9:20-22)

iamwholegameThis reminds me of when I was a kid and belonged to two rival gangs at the same time. I told each one that I was spying on the other when I wanted to go and play with them for a while. My friends and I actually do the same thing on Facebook when we join with psychopath-haters, the so-called “victims” and pretend to be one of them.

Without a strong sense of self, how can we be grandiose?  Zhawq explains

“I do have as strong a sense of being ‘me’ as everybody else, I just cannot relate it to or define it by the social labels and values that mainstream society uses to identify an individual as different from other individuals. In that sense I am the masks I put on, and without a mask I have no real identity as distinguishable from other people’s identities – not outside of my personal inner sense of ‘self’, and without an outside observable identity I don’t really exist.”

bocagentsoffortuneI wonder if our grandiosity is attached to a meta-self, a “self” that encompasses our many shifting shapes. I take a great deal of pride in my freedom from any of the bugaboos of society which hold most people in their thrall.

The Blue Oyster Cult wrote a song called I Love the Night which is probably about a man becoming a vampire upon meeting a beautiful vampiress. The song goes, “The day’s OK and the sun can be fun but I live to see those drusillarays slip away.” The beauty of the night is in it’s quiet. I compare the quiet of the night with the quiet of emotions turned down. It’s cool and peaceful to be detached from the clamor of most people’s emotional drama. Perhaps our lack of guilt is related to our flexible sense of self. Most people need to live and act in a way that is consistent with their Self. If myself is fluid, what can really be incompatible? Nothing.

nakedPerhaps my guiltlessness has something to do with the fact that I’m constantly reinventing myself, being reborn. The “me” of yesterday isn’t the “me” of today. I’m constantly standing at a starting point contemplating unlimited possibilities. When people ask what I have done to justify my grandiosity, I am nonplussed by their question. Done? I can do anything. I can be anybody. Like Pinocchio in Stromboli’s theater, I’ve got no strings to hold me down, to make me fret, to make me frown. I am everybody, everything, limitless. Jiminy Cricket must have slept late again. He can’t keep up with me and never will.

 


Statement of Psychopaths about their Self:

  • “If a person has no strong sense of self in general, then of course he will probably have no strong sense of lost integrity when he violates life projects which for the rest of us would be central parts of our self identities. In a nutshell, it’s not that the sociopath lacks moral integrity specifically; he lacks general self identity integrity, of which moral identity integrity is only a possible part. So a lack of, say, a moral conscience, isn’t really the central problem for the sociopath. What’s more at the heart of things is his lack of moral identification, along with the lack of any other significant life identifications.”
    quoted by M.E. Thomas, Sociopath World
  • Psychopaths have weak identities in general.  Our only constant is change.  We are chameleons and we wear the personalities of those around us.  I believe that the constant shapeshifting that we engage in leaves us with a very weak sense of identity.  We can state facts about our being but we cannot articulate who the underlying person actually is.  Our identities are like candle flames, dancing in the wind and ever-changing in color and shape.
    Candle Flames…Psychopaths and Identity, Jessica Kelly
  • For me there is no clearly defined personality outside of my masks. And I have many. I can to a large extent choose which mask I will put on according to the setting and my purpose with interacting with the people who’s daily stage in life it is, for whom it defines and represents who and what they are.
    zhawq, Psychopathic Writings

Links

A Boomer at Liberty

milliesLike many people living in today’s fucked up world, I have read The Fourth Turning and am looking to the Millennials to “save” us. If they do, they have quite a task on their hands. My experiences with Millennials are limited. I was active in the Occupy movement where I guess most of the people were Millennials. I thought they were beautiful and idealistic. All that. They stood up to police repression as long as they could. I’m sure many are still in the movement doing other things.

hannahI heard about TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY quite recently. People were all in a tither because two teenage girls committed suicide after watching this Netflix series. It sounded interesting so I got the book and joined Netflix to get the full experience. I read the book and saw the episodes. I’m presently going through the episodes a second time. It made me realize that this was a very different generation. The focus is on kids going to Liberty High School. The main character, Hannah, who killed herself and left tapes for thirteen people to listen to and find out how they had failed her and were therefore responsible for her death. How weird is that?

Hannah.gifFor starters, she doesn’t seem like someone who would kill herself. She seemed to have too much going for her to give up on life. In the beginning, she sets up an elaborate, cute and clever way of getting a date with a boy she liked at a new school. He offers her a ride in a car full of his buddies and she says “Thanks but my chariot awaits” as she jumps on a city bus. He follows her on the bus and she puts her number on his phone and then jumps off the bus. He calls and she makes up a math problem about two buses leaving from different places and what time do they meet to set up a date to meet him at a park. All this doesn’t look like a girl without resources. They kiss and everything should have been wonder except he does this very guy thing. He lets his mates think they did more than kiss, hence her reputation takes a turn south. That’s a common experience for girls and women, not only in high school. Shitty thing to do but is it reason enough to hold him partially responsible for her suicide?

sadhannahThat experience is followed by other experiences, many of which are even more obscure. I got the impression that anything that isn’t perfect in her interpersonal relationships is ground for indictment of the other person. I’m aware of the term highly sensitive personality but come on! From a sassy, resourceful girl, Hannah turns into a fragile, yet bitter injustice collector who blames everyone she knows for disappointing her.

clayWe share her tapes with Clay Jensen who is also sensitive and vulnerable. Clay is all-too-willing to feel guilty for Hannah’s death before he even hears the tape relating to his own failings be what she wanted him to be when she needed him to be it. He is guided through the maze of guilt-inducing tapes by his friend, Tony, a boy who seems a lot more mature and detached than the others. Tony provides a cassette player and keeps Clay on track when he is too overwhelmed to keep listening.

jocksAt the time Clay gets the tapes, most of the other kids have already heard them. They seem very defensive about their role and the blame they could incur. It doesn’t help that Hannah’s mother is suing the school. She is looking for evidence of bullying. The school is also defensive. They are trying really hard to show how sensitive and caring they are. They have posters all over telling kids “Suicide isn’t an option.” The kids set up an altar to Hannah, first on her locker and then on a table in a hallway. Are schools really held culpable if they don’t altarhannahmanage to protect a student from unkindness if it leads to suicide? I do know some schools go to ridiculous extremes such as charging a First Grader with sexual harassment for kissing another First Grader. Can a school really be blamed for bullying? Most bullying happens outside the sight and sound of teachers. Few bullied kids disclose their problem to adults. They are too ashamed. I know some schools have programs to boost self-esteem. The kids I know who had such classes didn’t seem very keen on them. Just saying. Hannah’s case doesn’t really seem like a typical case of bullying. She wasn’t taunted, called names, beaten up or any of the usual things. I don’t think her experiences alexin school really deserve the name of bullying. A boy lies about how far he got with her sexually. A girl and boy she was friends with drop her and become a couple. A boy turns stalker and takes pictures of her from outside her window. Yes. This is more serious than the other problems she had previously had. But it’s just one boy, not a group of mean kids. She plans to trap the boy with the help of another girl. They succeed and find courtney13out his identity but not before he gets a picture of the girls kissing each other. Hannah isn’t a lesbian but the other girl is and she dirties up Hannah’s reputation a little more to protect herself from being outed. Sorry. I don’t call any of that bullying. Maybe Millennials do. The law suit doesn’t seem to be doing anyone much good. The mother is perplexed. Her daughter hadn’t given her any information about why she was ending her life. That was reserved only for her peers. In fact, none of the parents really have a clue what is happening with their kids.

parentsClay’s parents get quite frantic when Clay disappears for long periods of time while he processes Hannah’s tapes. He is seen to be part of a serious drama while the parents are completely excluded. Hannah’s parents cope with their grief and puzzlement by filing a law suit against the school. As sensitive as the kids are to each other, they seem strangely uncaring claysmomabout their parents. Clay’s mysterious disappearances and his intensity (the reasons for which he keeps to himself) and Hannah’s suicide with not even a suicide note for her parents, just the gory sight of her dead body in the tub full of bloody water. It’s only important to her that her peers know why she did it. One of the boys, Justin, the kid who kissed and told more than there was to tell, had a mother who hooked up with claysdadabusive men who beat Justin savagely and threw him out of the house. He depended on his peers for a place to stay. One of the most supportive of his peers is Bryce, the rapist. Obviously, Bryce is more than a monster. Most of the parents seems reasonably good parents but they were all excluded from the truth until the end. The adults at the school were also left out of the loop. A man who was an unofficial counselor had no psychological training but seems to do his job well. But the story seemed to blame him for not being omniscient.

justinfoleyThe kids seemed to fear they would be blamed and lose their acceptance in colleges for their roles. Most of them banded together to keep the contents of the tapes strictly secret. They feared Clay would prove the weak link. In order to keep him quiet, one night, some of the boys way-laid him, grabbed his bike which they put justinsabusein the trunk of their car and forced him to ride with them.  The driver, Alex, drove really fast, got stopped by a cop who turned out to his father. Alex’s dad lets him get away with anything as long as Alex is obsequious to him, always addressing him as “Sir.” Clay doesn’t cry out when the car is stopped telling the officer he’s there against his will. He apologizes for the fast driving as if he were guilty. After the ride, the boys keep Clay’s bike. I would have told them I would tell everything if I didn’t get the bike back immediately. I would have reported it stolen. Clay did none of those things. It’s hard for me to imagine how anyone can be so passive. Justin goes so far as to suggest murdering Clay and making it look like a suicide.

bryceOne of the boys is a rapist. He is also a top jock so he is protected by the others although they don’t seem to really like him. Justin, however, is a close friend to the rapist, Bryce. Bryce takes him in whenever he has to leave his abusive home. He is grateful and feels he owes Bryce a great deal. So one night, at a party, when Justin’s girlfriend is passed out drunk, he lets Bryce have his way with her. When she sobers up, Justin tells her she had sex with him. She “believes” him but has memories that belie the story which she represses. Hannah knows the truth jessicaand is upset that Justin won’t tell the truth. Another “trauma” Hannah experienced was riding in a car with another girl driving. The girl accidentally knocks down a stop sign and refuses to report the accident. Later that night, another two cars have an accident due to the stop sign being down.  Hannah is deeply disturbed by her friend’s failure to take responsibility and somehow this also contributes to her suicide.

marcusYes, a long, sad story about imperfect people acting imperfectly. What’s a snowflake like Hannah to do? One experience stands out as really nasty. She has a first date with a boy named Marcus. He keeps her waiting for an hour and shows up finally with a bunch of his mates who sit at another table. One of them explains that he keeps girls waiting for an hour because he knows if they are still waiting, they will put out. But Hannah doesn’t agree to his mauling and knocks him off the seat of the restaurant booth. He says, “I only asked you out because I thought you were easy.” That’s rank.

zachHannah stays in the booth, feeling sad. Another boy, one of Marcus’ friends, sits down at the booth and is really nice to her. He calls Marcus an “asshole” and is trying to make her feel better. But she remains hostile and seems to blame him for being more socially successful than she is. Clay, upon hearing the tape, keys Zach’s car. I find Clay incomprehensible. He is so guilt-ridden! We finally find out what his “crime” was. He and Hannah finally make out but she suddenly starts crying and says she’s not worthy of him and runs away. Clay’s crime was not stopping her and telling her he loved her.

hannahsuicideShe is eventually “raped” by Bryce. There is a discrepancy between the story in the book and in the TV series. The former has her getting into a hot tub with him and passively allowing him to have his way. She thought he should have seen by her facial expression that she didn’t want it. The latter shows him actually raping her, that is, forcing her against her will despite attempts to get out of the tub.

counselorsAfter all her trials and tribulations, Hannah decides to give life one last chance. She sees the counselor. But she rejects the chance to report Bryce. The counselor suggests that, the only option left is to get on with her life. That was his “crime.” I don’t know what he could have said or done other than that. Maybe a Millennial can explain it to me.


kidsatlibertyIf Hannah really believed her death were the fault of all these other people, why did she kill herself? You would think not thinking it was her own fault would allow her the courage to go on.

Throughout this story, the kids are in their own world. They live their high drama while adults are left wondering what is happening with them. Strauss and Howe (The Fourth Turning) depict Millennials as very polite and respectful. They are here too. Only they keep their problems to themselves and their peers.

werther17There has been a lot of kerfuffle over the fact that two teens have committed suicide since watching the series. Teenagers have been suicide-prone for centuries and media has always been blamed. When Goethe wrote The Sorrows of Young Werther, there were a flurry of suicides for which Goethe was blamed. He responded,

“I had saved myself from a tempestuous element with this composition, from a situation into which I had been driven through my own fault and the fault of others, through a chance and a chosen way of life, through intent and haste, through stubbornness and compliancy. I felt like a man after absolute confession — happy and free again, with the right to a new life. This time an old household remedy had done me a lot of good. But just as I felt relieved and lighthearted because I had succeeded in transforming reality into poetry, my friends were confusing themselves by believing that they had to turn poetry into reality, enact the novel and shoot themselves! What actually took place now among a few, happened later en masse, and this little book that had done me so much good acquired the reputation of being extremely harmful!”

Ozzy-Osbourne-Suicide-Solution1

Ozzy Osbourne was also blamed for driving his fans to suicide. His song, Suicide Solution, was actually about the destructiveness of alcoholism. A blues song, Gloomy Sunday, has also been blamed. Fortunately, Netflix hasn’t bowed to the pressure to make creative story telling as bland and harmless as Velveeta Cheese.

 


Links

Tolerance of Intolerance

judgementJudging Judgement?

Not having a conscience affords me freedom not enjoyed by most people. I can do literally anything without experiencing guilt. I can know something is morally wrong but I can still choose to do it and I won’t hate myself for having made that choice. Of course, consciencefreepsychopaths, being human, are capable of judging others’ people’s behavior. I can judge my own behavior, too, knowing something I did was objectively wrong. But my judgement is just a detached intellectual acknowledgement, not even a mild self-flagellation. Of course, I can regret a stupid decision if it caused painful consequences. But that isn’t guilt. I also have a certain code of behavior. If I violate it, am I letting myself down? Perhaps.

dontjudgeI believe that it is wrong to judge the behavior of others. After all, I can do anything I want. Why judge others when they make choices? That doesn’t mean I’m always consistent in living up to the ideal of being non-judgemental. I do judge other people sometimes, especially when their behavior has an impact on me. For example, I judge conservatives for supporting political policies that would cause me material harm. At the same time, I admit to myself that, were I in different economic circumstances, my politics could easily be different and I could be one of those people I currently judge.

dontsnitchI have always identified with the underdog. I, therefore, adhere to the outlaw’s code that snitching to the authorities is wrong. Of course, I would seek remedy from the authorities if I were being harmed and were unable to remedy the situation myself. But I tend to judge people who snitch on someone who is violating the law in some way that doesn’t harm the snitch directly. I do realize that judging a snitch is inconsistent with my philosophy so I try to be tolerant.

But how far does tolerance go? Does it extend to the point of being tolerant of intolerance? If someone snitches because he judges somebody else’s behavior, he is clearly doing wrong in my opinion but what business is that of mine? Unless, of course, it affects my own interests.

beliefsI think there is a difference between judging the morality of behavior and the worth of belief systems. I do judge ideas that are irrational and I judge them harshly. Religion is high on my list of irrational belief systems. Since most religion judges people’s behavior, I have an extra reason to judge it. Not only is it irrational, it is judgemental. Christianity christianshariafeatures high in that area. Most Christians believe God will punish anyone who doesn’t obey the Christian code of conduct. Some are not content to let God do the punishing. They support laws that force Christian rules on everyone. While openly despising the Muslims’ Sharia Law, they are actually advocating their own version of Sharia. Hypocrisy is a form of irrationality that I find particularly odious.

marijuanaIn the secular world, many want to enforce their form of morality on people who are not even harming others, hence the concept of victimless crimes. The use of mind-altering drugs is one of the most monitored forms of behavior that affects only the individual engaging in it. Society has made a distinction between drugs prescribed by a doctor for the treatment of illness, referred to as medication, and drugs taken by an individual for the sake of feeling good or otherwise altering consciousness, referred to as drugs. Both are controlled by the state. I despise all belief systems that support this kind of interference with individual liberty. Obviously, the state has the right and the duty to protect us from each other. Rape, robbery, murder, etc, are crimes that need to be prevented in order to protect our very liberty. But laws forbidding victimless crimes are themselves crimes.

nottoracismAnother belief system I judge is racism. The idea that everyone with a certain ancestry or ethnicity has particular qualities is irrational. The idea that these ethnic qualities are on a spectrum of superiority/inferiority is not only irrational but also judgmental. It is used as a way to divide people to make it easier for the ruling class to have power over us. Those who criticize the artificial high of drugs should look at the artificial high of the illusion of racial superiority.

complicatedHow not to judge?

As we see, being non-judgemental can be complicated and rife with contradictions. There are certain things of which I can be fairly certain.

  1. There’s as difference between acts that can harm others and those which only affect oneself.
  2. Society has a right and an obligation to protect us from each other but no right to protect us from ourselves.
  3. The authorities are so interfering, they should only be appealed to in extreme situations where we need their protection. Minding the business of others is usually a bad idea. Finking on others is almost always wrong.
  4. There’s a difference between morality issues and rationality issues. As a psychopath, I am amoral but not irrational. I try not to judge the morality of other people’s actions but I do judge the rationality of other people’s ideas.

 


Links

My Better Half

xanderMy last short story got enough positive feedback that I’m trying my hand at another one. The TV show, Buffy, has an episode in which a character is split apart into two people. One has his weakest traits and the other his strongest ones. They each think the other is an imposter. The weaker one whined, “He’s living my life better than I am.” Their first impulse is to kill each other but they learn that if one dies, the other one does too. They resolve the issue by doing magic to bring the two selves together again. I thought of a much more wicked outcome as I let my imagination run wild and pictured a scenario in which I, as the stronger “self” decided to enslave and imprison my weaker “self” but keep her alive so I could just enjoy the power.

limitlsI always want to be the most optimal, the most perfect me possible. You know the guy in Limitless? Like that but in all areas of my life, not just intellectual. What if I could split myself in half with one half having all the weak, imperfect, undesirable traits and the other all the perfection I can muster.

 

magickLast week, I came across a recipe for a magick spell that would do exactly that. I think I’ll try it. What have I got to lose. Of course, I’ll have to prepare. I’ll have to find a way to keep the weak self alive but under my control. I am already identifying with the strong half. I will have to build a cage to keep her in. I’ll make it pretty comfortable. I will include a bed and a TV. I’ll let her have drugs, the kind that keep her calm and tranquil: Benzo-diazapams and opiates. That should do the trick.

yinyangbreakI cleared the basement and built a cage, one large enough to hold the lessor or mini-me. I like that term. “Mini-me.” It has alliteration. Of course, it’s also the name of some toy for babies but so what. Zero night is here. I descend to the basement and draw a circle which I duly consecrate, calling the corners and invoking deities. I pour the magick sand I have purchased with great difficulty in a little mountain. Then I drizzled the potion over it while chanting. Never mind what was the chant. That’s my secret. Then I took the wet sand and drew a line down from my crown chakra to my second and first chakras and up over my back until the line met itself at the top of my head. I lit a candle and dropped an explosive onto the flame. A big bang.

girl-in-cageI am on the floor, gradually taking inventory of my hands and feet. I am moving, discovering I can get up. I look across the room. There is a weak, pathetic girl my age and gender but very nondescript and lacking in energy. I tower over her. I’ve done it. I’ve accomplished the task of isolating the most excellent qualities and making them the whole of me. I lift Mini-Me who looks questioningly and fearfully at me. I carry her to the cage and lay her on her bed. I see she has all the necessities and I lock the cage and leave the basement.

Now I am Super-Me. The world is mine. Mini-me hardly exists but she keeps me alive.

The Bad Seed, Part II

13What is it like to be rejected by one’s parents? Thankfully, I didn’t know it at the time. I only found out when I received records from my past, the two  years I spend in the nuthouse from ages 13 through 15. My parents told a social worker what they never told me.

Mother discusses patient with little show of emotion and her warmth in describing younger sister reveals much that is not verbally expressed in her resentment towards the patient. Mother’s tensions toward patient have been more fully expressed since the latter’s hospitalization. She has shown increasing hostility toward patient’s visits home on week-ends, and once remarked to assigned social worker that her reputation had been ruined by the patient, and she could no longer accept her back in the household. By February, 1958, the mother had arranged to move into a more expensive apartment with fewer rooms, with the idea that the patient would not be allowed to return home. She also stated tearfully, “I no longer consider Frances my daughter.”

Well, I can’t blame her entirely for that reaction. I did some heavy stuff that would have upset a saint. But the pervasive aura of rejection that showed up in my parents’ ongoing interviews makes me aware of how deeply they rejected me. I’m glad they were such good actors so I was spared the knowledge of how they really felt about me until, as an adult, I can handle it.

Today, I came upon another mother’s statement of rejection of her psychopathic daughter on Quora. I quote it in its entirety.

What is like to have a psychopathic child?
Helen Forrester, Mother of a psychopath
Answered Jul 2

I googled ‘i don’t love my child’ and all that came up was stories of misbehaving toddlers and experts assuming that this is a temporary thing. I eventually came across this and although it is out of date, I felt the need to answer.

On the rare occasions that I have admitted to someone that I don’t like my daughter, the response has been that there are always times that we don’t like our children but we always love them. No! I don’t like her, I don’t love her. I wish she would go away and never contact or occcupy space in my mind ever again. She’s not a child anymore. She’s 39. I remember the day that I first knew that I was repulsed by her. She was 15. I won’t go into details nor can I tell the whole 39 year story here but she is a cluster b psychopath. It’s unlikely that she will ever harm anyone physically. Her problems are, delusions of grandeur, narcissistic personality disorder, munchausens, attention seeking, lying and many other related problems. She reads books like ‘A child called it’ then applies the stories to her own life and believes them. She is pregnant with her 6th child. 2 are grown up, 2 were forcibly adopted. Im sure as she continues the same destructive behaviour that her one year old and her unborn child will also be taken eventually. 4 different fathers. The last 2 were homeless junkies that she took home to ‘save’. Then she destroys them. She adopts the personalities of people she meets to reel them in. Anyway the point is you asked if they manipulate and yes they do. They are very clever and guilt makes you give them the benefit of the doubt even though you know that whatever you do for them, they will piss all over.

It’s like having a great big brain tumour. It’s incurable but it’s never going to kill you. It just sits there eating at your brain bit by bit. You can’t cut it out and sometimes you feel you could smash your own head in just to make it stop. You can’t even tell people about it because only a monster would say they don’t love a child.

Child Psychology.Yesterday, I found another statement by a mother about her ASPD child. This one has an ironic twist in that it is the psychopath who went “no contact” on the NT mom. But the rejection is the same. This is from Facebook, name repressed for the sake of privacy.

Hi. I’m the mother of an ASPD grown son (35). He has done and said terrible things to me throughout the years. He is extremely spiteful and vindictive. For the life of me I don’t know of any trauma he suffered as a child. He had every opportunity before him and always cut his nose off to spite his face instead of take advantage of them. Fast forward 20 yrs. still same old behaviors but now has a wife and two toddlers. Has been using opiates for yrs (I think they calm his ever present underlying rage). However discovered he was using Heroin and doing unsafe things like driving kids in car under influence. Refused to go to treatment Wife has prescription opiate prob too. She refused treatment as well. All of this forced me to call Child Protective services on grandchildrens behalf. Now ASPD son will not allow me to see kids out of vengeance, it’s been 3 long months. He has tried to be no contact. I’ve emailed and sent letters to no avail. Need advice on how to get through to him to let me see kids. I love and miss them so much. Of course he thrives on emotional pain he causes me. Please help?

I have always known that psychopaths are demonized. Sure, we are glamorized too. But we seem to be permanently stuck with the “bad guy” badge.


Links

Self-Sacrifice

Using shame to rob us of our rights

shareWe are always being taught that it is noble to sacrifice oneself. When goods are unequally distributed, I can see the point of telling those who have the most to share with those who have the least. Of course, those being asked to share would protest that they have the most because they earned it or won it. That’s the way generosityconservatives think and that’s why they favor policies that enable the rich to keep what they have. I can sympathize with that point of view. If I have something, I don’t want to give it up. Of course, that doesn’t preclude generosity. But one is generous to a point where he can spare something and still have most of what he wants to keep. And true generosity is in line with one’s desires. So acting on a generous impulse gives one pleasure so it’s not a sacrifice.

classwarfareMany have-nots on the Left believe they have been unjustly shortchanged and they work politically to take their share from those who have too much (in their judgment). We live in a democracy (of sorts) and, since the have-nots and have-lesses outnumber the haves, the latter are in danger of the have-nots voting to confiscate their goods. To prevent that from happening, the rich have set up think tanks which have successfully spread ideas that stopped the have-nots from using their political power to equal the distribution of wealth. Russia had a Communist revolution which the opinion molders of the West lost no time in demonizing. “Communism” and even “socialism” have become dirty words, especially in the United States.

fdrnewdealEconomic inequality causes some very real suffering and hardship among the poor. During the Great Depression, Communism was looked at favorably by greater numbers of Americans. While there was a real possibility of revolution, President Franklyn Delano Roosevelt instituted his New Deal which softened many of the hard edges of Capitalism. It allowed people to retire when they got old and live a reasonably comfortable lifestyle. Unemployment Insurance gave workers a soft cushion to land on when tossed out of their jobs. The idea that government could make the lives of the struggling working class easier using tax money was accepted as reasonable by all except the rich and those ideologically committed to “free enterprise” capitalism.

Ron and Nancy.Ronald Reagan’s presidency was a turning point in ideological trends. The US has been moving to the Right ever since the Reign of Ronald the Terrible. An article called Fire From Below: Advice for Activism in the Trump Era From Bill Ayers explained these changes in detail. But that’s not really what this article is about. Fire From Below describes how unions had to give back a lot of benefits their workers had won when changing circumstances took away the unions’ bargaining power. The Right is on the march, trying to reverse as much of the New Deal as possible. One of their problems is that lots of their own base are enjoying benefits of the New Deal and have no desire to give them up.


unselfishHere’s the real subject of this post. Mainstream morality has a belief in the “virtue” of selflessness. What’s wrong with this value? While a small number of people achieve enlightenment, a state that transcends the ego, to most of us the self and the ego are one. A truly egoless person identifies with the entire universe. This removes the idea that we are limited to our selves. We are everything. So what happens to us as individuals isn’t important. To be in that state of consciousness feels blissful, sustaining it long-term can be difficult. Spiritual ego results when someone experiences that ego-choppingwoodless state and then returns to normal but still thinks he is enlightened. The ego is cunning. It takes credit for the spiritual high one has achieved and claims to be that state. Everyone on a spiritual path is aware of spiritual ego as a snare to watch out for as one evolves. I wouldn’t know but I have a theory that as one reaches higher states of consciousness, spiritual pride becomes more subtle and harder to detect. I think the highest souls give up on trying to “be” spiritual and just carry on with their lives. As Baba Ram Dass said, “chopping wood and carrying water.”

selfFor the vast majority of us who have not transcended the ego, at least not in any sustainable way, each one of us is a self, ourself. To be self-less is to be at odds with one’s very self. A house divided against itself cannot stand. That statement is usually attributed to Abraham Lincoln but it was originally made by none other than Jesus Christ.

totalsacrificeIn the Gospel of Mark 3:25, Jesus states, “And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand”, in response to the scribes’ claim that “by the prince of the devils casteth he out devils.”

Jesus is all about agape love, the purest empathy, identifying oneself with the Other. saintlyThat is a state of consciousness akin to the eastern ego-less enlightenment. Most of us raised in a Christian society, even those whose parents aren’t Christian, are taught that selflessness is a superior way of being. That value is forced on us as children whether we like it or not. Most professing “Christians” are far from real selflessness while preaching it. That’s kind of like the spiritual ego of those who think they are in an “ideal” state of mind but are really just themselves. Not being a Christian, I’m not overly concerned with this apparent contradiction. As a psychopath, I have a gut-level antipathy to the very idea of selflessness. I am my own greatest advocate. If I’m not for myself, how can I expect anyone else to be for me? I have had to fight the pressure to bow to selflessness all my life.

Giving up one’s own possessions or advantages is a value that has been pushed down our throats from an early age. Children are made to share. Sharing can have value, of course, when all parties have something to gain. If I have a toy train and you have christianabirthdaya set of toy tracks, sharing is a natural. We can have a lot more fun putting our toys together for a better game. But parents often don’t wait until a child sees the advantage of sharing. The kid is just supposed to let other children put their hands all over his things whether he wants to or not. Joan Crawford took it to a ridiculous extreme. Her adopted daughter, Christine, was showered with birthday gifts. But she was forced to give away all but one present. Mommie Dearest was apparently unaware of how married she was to her own ego while trying to force her child to prostrate her own ego.

boomerbetrayalWhile we normally think of selflessness as an ideal of the Left, this depraved “ideal” is now being used by the Right as an excuse to take benefits people have won through political struggle. The latest is trying to guilt-trip Boomers into “sacrificing” for Millennials by giving up our Social Security. Ageism makes it easy to hate Boomers. Cartoons depict us as ugly and selfishboomersungainly while young people whom we’re exploiting are beautiful. Before we had Social Security, the elderly who were not independently wealthy has wretched lives or were dependent on their adult children. The Right is trying to persuade us that we must return to those days as an act of virtue and as an economic necessity. The fact of the matter is that there is no real economic need to deprive any generation of a life with dignity. The 1% want us to battle among ourselves instead of stop the constant suction of all wealth from the 99%. Occupy Wall Street did a great thing by making the 1% more visible. Instead of seeing another generation (or race) as the group that threatens to take our resources (or to which we must give up our resources), we need to see who is really consuming the lion’s share of what we need to sustain life on earth. This isn’t supposed to be a political blog and the political-economic arguments about this are stated in other posts which I’ll link to below.

This blog post is concerned with the moral aspects of the way people are being shamed into sacrificing ourselves foolishly.


Links

 

Right and Rong

Do we need a conscience?

truefalseThe concept of “right” and “wrong” are pretty easy to grasp. Every day physical reality involves right and wrong choices all the time. For example, how do you get to the 7/11? Left turn? Right. Right turn? Wrong. All questions about physical reality can be answered correctly or incorrectly and most are pretty easy to verify.

But what about morality? How do we verify the statement that a particular action is morally right or goodbadwrong? That’s more difficult. Some people believe right and wrong come from a supreme being who provides the “correct” guidelines and tells us what to think. That’s a pretty childlike mindset. We’ve all been told what is right or wrong by our parents. We were usually rewarded or punished based on which one we choose. No wonder so many look to “god” to give them a moral compass. It’s the first thing we learned about morality.


goodbadevilFriedrich Nietzsche made a distinction between good-bad and good-evil. The former involved competence. You can be a good or bad dancer, soccer player, writer, etc. The other duality involves morality, meaning, not how well you do something but whether you should do it at all. The underlying assumption is that one has the ability, the power to do something. But there are laws or rules that would stay one’s hand even if one is able to do whatever. Nietzsche named these two sets of opposites “master morality” and “slave morality.” The master does whatever he is able to do. The slave does what he ought to do. The reason the latter is called “slave morality” is the assumption that rules concerning what one should do are usually preached and imposed by those who aren’t able to do it. By telling those who can, not to do something, those who can’t gain power over the former.

slavemasterNietzsche preferred master morality and saw slave morality as a way inferior beings could control their betters. That ethic has been called “Might Makes Right.” Of course, there are various ways of achieving might. A large group that works together can have greater might than an individual who is just by himself. Society is more powerful than a single person. Those who buck the rules of society are penalized by that society. Everyone has a will to power regardless of whether he is a “master” or a psychocat“slave.” The slaves get power by imposing their own morality on those who could have power over them if they just resorted to their abilities being the stronger of the two. Robert Hare described it by imagining what a mouse might be thinking when a cat is coming after him, “The mouse tries to impart it’s own values on the cat. The cat has a set of values of it’s own based on it’s evolution. So we have predators and prey.” Of course, mice can’t really impart values on predators. But people are very good at that very thing.

christianityNietzsche blamed Jews for subverting the classic, pagan cultures of the Greeks and Romans by substituting “good-evil” for “good-bad” by means of Christianity. Although Christian values are used to stay the hand of the strong against the weak, stronger people have managed to insert their own will to power into Christian societies. Such societies have a complicated set of rules of right and wrong which often favor the strong over the weak. Power in such societies is hierarchical. Still, values based on empathy are recognized and can be resorted to by those who want to change the balance of power in favor of those lacking in it.

goldenruleThe Golden Rule is a powerful statement placing empathy in a position of importance in determining morality. As stated in Matthew, the rule is “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Seeing oneself in others is the key to morality derived from empathy.


crowleydowhatThe philosophy of Thelema, formulated by Aleister Crowley, is critical of Christianity and says, instead of following a list of rules, “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will.” “Will” in this context refers to a certain kind of awareness called “true will” which really means alignment with the “will” of the universe. Everyone is a sovereign being (“Every man and woman is a star”) but, unless one is in touch with his “true will,” he is out of step with what might be called “divine will.” “The entire momentum of the universe” is behind those who do their “true will.” In other words, a Thelemite is still doing the will of God. However, as Robert Heinlein stated in Stranger in a Strange Land, “Thou art God.” Everyone is (or can be) the deity. The idea that everyone is God is popular in New Age thinking. Thelema is really a form of New Age philosophy. Only it is called The Age of Horus.


bookofthelawIt is commonly thought that the key to conscience is empathy. The Golden Rule makes a lot of common scense. It is fair. In a democratic society, everyone has the same rights. Or should have. Once the Divine Rights of Kings went the way of the Dodo Bird, it just made sense that everyone was equal. Every man and woman is a star. Of course, it doesn’t mean we all have the same ability. The Book of the Law has a lot of warlike pronoucements, “love is the law” notwithstanding.

“Therefore the kings of the earth shdoveall be Kings for ever: the slaves shall serve. There is none that shall be cast down or lifted up: all is ever as it was. Yet there are masked ones my servants: it may be that yonder beggar is a King. A King may choose his garment as he will: there is no certain test: but a beggar cannot hide his poverty.
“59. Beware therefore! Love all, lest perhance is a King concealed! Say you so? Fool! If he be a King, thou canst not hurt him.
“60. Therefore strike hard & low, and to hell with them, master!” (Book II)

charlieThe New Age is basically mystical and mysticism is solipsistic. Everything is itself and it’s opposite. Charlie Manson identified himself with Love. If everything is one, the language of duality is meaningless.

 


What is Conscience? do we need it?

fallonDo we know what is right or wrong? Do we care? Do we have empathy? Does empathy make people any kinder? Psychopaths are feared because we have neither empathy nor conscience. Some psychopaths have done done terrible things. Some of us have led rational and reasonable lives. Some have contributed to society, pursuing careers and taking good care of ourselves. Some of us are Christians. Many are atheists. Some are Thelemites. Some are Wiccans. No doubt, some are Muslims. On the other hand, some people with empathy and conscience have been terrible people. But it is the crimes of psychopaths that fascinate the world.

I’m Just Like You

crockdove.jpg

peacedoveOnce upon a time, there was a little white dove named Sweetsie. Sweetsie wanted to go into show business. She auditioned for many parts. Unfortunately, the only parts she was ever offered were representing world peace in political plays or playing the Holy Spirit in religious melodramas. It was better than getting no work at all but it was unsatisfying. Sweetsie wasn’t really like that at all. She has a dark side. She wanted more exciting roles. But they were never offered to her. She was type-caste.

henryHenry was a crocodile who lived in a nice swamp. There was lots of water and algae all around. He had lots of crocodile friends and was pretty happy. But deep down inside, he was unsatisfied with his life. He yearned for something more delicate and gentle.

Sweetsie was flying around, exploring the world. She came upon the swamp where sweetsieinflightHenry lived. She lit upon a hollow tree that was standing there. She looked down and saw Henry wallowing in the swamp. Something about the sight of Henry opened a sweet space in her heart and she started singing. Henry looked up. He had never seen such a pretty, graceful being in his life. “Please come down and talk to me,” he called.

LaworderSweetsie swooped down to earth and the two of them had a long chat. They shared their interests. It turned out, they both liked watching Law & Order: SVU. They both found the criminals more interesting then the cops. Then the conversation moved to their lifestyles. Henry was a predator, of course. As a crocodile, he hunted the swamps for smaller creatures like fish, birds, frogs and the like. Once a man was shot by another man and left to drown. Henry had quite a feast that day. Sweetsie usually ate seeds, grass and occasionally snails. They wondered if it might be practical for them to hunt together.

swampThe next day, they decided to try it. Henry glided through the swamp, detecting by smell and sound signs of life around him. First, he caught a fish. He grabbed the fish in his teeth. While he held the fish steady, Sweetsie pecked at parts of the soft, white belly. She ate enough for her modest needs and Henry finished off the fish.

henryeatingLife was pretty idyllic for the next few months. They hung out, shared their love of the hunt and shared their treasures. But the fact of the matter was that Henry was a crocodile and Sweetsie was a dove. After a while, their routine got boring, especially for Henry. When they had a hard time finding enough prey, one day, Henry realized that Sweetsie was made of potentially delicious meat. He ate her. He was, after all, a crocodile and crocodiles eat birds.

yum

THE END

Gaslight

1narcinmarriageWho is the Real Victim?

Gaslighting is usually discussed as a sinister thing Narcs and ‘Paths do to nice people. But the reality is that everyone gaslights. All it really means is trying to alter someone’s sense of reality. Not all gaslighting is destructive and done with malicious intent.

The above video not only makes that point and gives a few lessons on how to gaslight with the proviso that we “should play nice” and use it for good. Therapists’ jobs are to change a patient’s beliefs into something healthier for him. Informing a friend of the fact that someone else has spread gossip about him can be an act of kindness. When someone tells us things like that, it’s important to know who they can trust.


gaslightThe term, Gaslighting is almost always used in describing its negative use. The term, itself, comes from the 1940 movie, Gaslight about a husband who is trying to drive his wife crazy by making her doubt her perceptions of reality. The term became popularized by websites and blogs warning people of behavior at the hands of “predatory” narcissists and psychopaths. I have already covered the subject of such sites in A Psychopath’s Guide to Haters.

1flyingmonkeysGaslighting is closely associated with Flying Monkeys, people who are manipulated into helping a malicious person persecute someone else. A perfect example of gaslighting being used maliciously with flying monkeys is the way Republicans and other Righties have turned masses of Americans into flying monkeys against Hillary Clinton. While political “discourse” has unfortunately grown increasingly into character assassination, the slander against Hillary has been uglier than any other case. To be fair, Donald Trump has been pretty spectacularly badmouthed too but his enemies don’t have to make things up. His record since in office provides plenty of material. His (dwindling) supporters didn’t miss a beat in claiming victim-hood for Trump, saying no other president has been treated as badly as he has (although he has yet to be assassinated or called “nigger”).

1gossipAs ugly as slander, whispers in someone’s ear to the effect that she has been slandered can really cause people to question their reality. Is it true that X has said that about me? Who is repeating it? This has been done to me in an office and I have seen the same tactic used on others. Bullying can do the same, encouraging people to join in persecuting someone safely from the anonymity of the crowd.

1quarrelHowever, the term gaslighting has been most commonly invoked concerning behavior of couples toward each other during intimate relationships. “I never told you that! You’re delusional!” “Why do you always…?” “You embarrassed me at that party. Everyone was talking about your (outfit) (behavior) (weight).” “Are you bipolar?” “Have you forgotten to take your meds?” The You-Tube documentary, The Psychopath Next Door 1womenwhohas a segment in which the author of the book Women Who Love Psychopaths, Sandra Brown, played a verbal description of a woman who was a “victim” of a psychopath. Her face was never shown for her “safety.” Her story was that this charming man “love-bombed” her and she fell in love with him. After the wedding, he changed. But they stayed together long enough to have a child. Finally, she consulted a counselor who told her, “Your husband is a psychopath. He will never change.” On the strength of that, she divorced him. The story sounds very prosaic to me. Don’t all suitors put their best foot forward during courtship? Don’t relationships usually 1redridinghoodchange once they are married? It even has a name: The Honeymoon is Over. How can a “counselor” diagnose someone he has never even met? Is it just possible that the counselor was used as a flying monkey? And how about Sandra Brown? And the makers of the documentary, for that matter? Disclaimer: The documentary was pretty good for the most part. By applying the label psychopath to the man (who never gave his side), his ex-wife suddenly became his “victim.” His courtship, a predatory act. And, honestly. How is calling your husband/wife a narc any different from calling him/her “bipolar?”

Looking at the above example, isn’t one moved to re-evaluate the stories on these websites that claim to give information on people they have decided are “narcissists” and/or “psychopaths?” How many of them have been even clinically diagnosed? Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door (a different work), said sociopaths and psychopaths love to play the victim. What does one do when both sides are claiming victimhood?