is never pretty

But I’m wallowing

Psychopaths do suffer. It isn’t something we like to dwell on and we hardly ever show this side of our lives to the world. I probably won’t publish this. But I did. Grandiosity suits me a lot better than self-pity. But there are moments when I just feel like indulging in a nice, abandoned wallow. Shame is for the suckers, isn’t it?

feelingsSomeone I thought was a friend blew me off. I guess the mixed messages I had been receiving were only to be expected from a Borderline. In a nutshell, she considered narcissists and psychopaths bad news. Yet she kept assuring me she didn’t think I was at all evil. I never could get an explanation of how looking into the eyes of a psychopath was “gazing into the face of evil.” We had bonded as fellow Cluster Bs. But our very respective identities ended up pulling us apart in the end.

We are clearly considered the punching bags of humanity. The only groups attracting comparable hostility are the pedophiles and narcissists. It’s odd to read a psychiatric discussion which is more concerned with morality and science. I usually find these attitudes amusing. I try to correct people’s thinking where I can. Are they even open to reason? Some are. Many are not.

Like I said, I don’t much care (except as a source of entertainment) what people think of psychopaths. It hadn’t affected my own well-being until now. But the very suddenness of the revelation that a “friend” really saw me as a “bully” (that’s probably the most benign expression she used) knocked me off my normally serene contemplation of human stupidity and I confess to letting some rank and foul bitterness get in.

The Who expressed my sadness far more eloquently than I could. Behind Blue Eyes

What is it with our eyes? So many haters on the internet have a problem and consider our gaze terrifying. Even Robert Hare (who I don’t include with the “haters”) considered our “stare” to be shudder-worthy. The word, “Reptilian” keeps appearing in all the judgy-wudgy exploration of what is the matter with us anyway.

jimMorrisonA web site calling itself The Reptilian Psychopathic Stare provides a page full of faces supposedly illustrating the “reptilian stare.” The author admits that there is no way of “knowing” if all these people are really reptiles. So much for “science.” But the page includes Jim Morrison, who, the article points out is called The Lizard King.  RobertPlantIt also includes Robert Plant “possibly in a Reptilian energy feed” and Star, Charles Manson’s latest squeeze. The caption reads, “Miss Star now in a full reptilian stare feeding off
of the camera person’s energy.”


The only thing left to do is include Nine Inch Nails’ Reptile:


Well, that’s enough wallowing in misery. I’m back and gleeful about all the absurdity there is in the world for the amusement of those of us who can appreciate it.


3 thoughts on “Self-Pity

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